In early 2018 I had a biopsy and was diagnosed with uterine cancer. It was shocking to say the least. At first I could not believe it because other than minor symptoms I had never felt more alive in the past 4 years…
But we grabbed the bull by its horns and prayed, held hands a lot, cried a little bit because of shock and because we were scared. And I say “we” because when you have a partner, like mine, I could not have asked for anyone better. We did this together. I could not have done this without John’s levelhead and love. I am so blessed to have this guy by my side.
Forget the visual board for 2018 I made early in 2017, forget the plans, this was urgent and needed to be taken care of. And together, as a family, John and I, and with the prayers and support of my mom, sister, brothers, and some of my nieces and nephew I was able to come hold my head in its place instead of going crazy.
It was lonely. It was scary. It was quiet. I preferred not to share with anybody because that is how I roll. I am vibrant but when it comes to these things I don’t share, I rather stay with my inner and intimate circle. But God in his love and mercy surrounded me from my husband, my mom, my sister that stood by me day and night. I’d rather share the news once I knew what was coming so keeping the secret was hard but I had to do it so I could hold it together.
At first I looked for a way to blame why I had cancer. I asked myself if perhaps because I was a big girl and never had children. I searched the internet and tried to find a reason… When I spoke with my great oncologist she said, don’t blame yourself. We still don’t know the root of the cause. Through my doors come women that have been fertile and non-fertile, that have been as healthy conscious as those that have skipped a few rules. Don’t blame yourself, it just happened and you have been great at coming to get checked even if your symptoms did not seem too bad. We may be on time, we don’t know yet. Let that guilt go, and focus on what is to come. Have hope, think positive and get prepared for this journey, because whatever the outcome, you will never be the same. And I believe it is a journey of growth in many areas. Wow! I did not expect that, but I took it and ran with it.
The truth is that during all these years John and I have lived a happy life. We did not have the opportunity of being parents but we both have been the best auntie and uncle we could have been. Then when I received the news I think it hit me, this was the period to that. There it was, the struggle of dealing with the end of that story. In a way dealing with this was tougher than the C word. So that was a situation I would still need to deal with on top of all this… But when time is of the essence you don’t have time to feel sorry for yourself because you are fighting for your life.
But everything turned out how it was written in the book of Life. God spared me, he showed me his mercy. I won’t go into details, but I as of today I am okay., and of course there are more tests and appointments to endure but I am grateful and I will show it in my demeanor e-v-e-r-y d-a-y. And yes, while I don’t know what may come after this and I don’t take life for granted, but I do try to live every day to the fullest and slow down when I need to. I do listen to my body, and am trying to change some habits, but I continue loving perhaps more than I loved before, I try to not linger on things that want to rob my peace. I center my happiness in God, my husband and my family and true friends. Along the way I have made new friends and I embrace them and they may think I am a little bit crazy, but it is lie my oncologist said; life has changed and the perspective from where I see it is much more different that where I was coming from.
I’m going to be okay. John and I are going to be okay. And whatever comes we won’t let it rob us of our peace and happiness. Get ready because this year we will be back with a lot more.